Growing Up….

June 1, 2010

So, it is just over a year ago that I graduated from college. It seems like it was just yesterday. Where did the year go? They say that the older you get the faster time goes, but I never really payed much attention to what “they” had to say. Looking back over my fastly sped by year, I started to ponder.  Obviously time does not actually speed up. Time is constant. What does change though is us. The older we get, the more worries/thoughts we have. It seems that less and less we live (and love) each moment for what it is, but instead are always looking ahead to the future or back to the past to what is to come or what was.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It is not bad to remember things or to try and plan ahead for other things. I was so carefree growing up I never ever thought about the future.  All was super good but when it came time to pick what it was I would do with my life I found myself at a sort of standstill. It was something I had never really thought about before. Usually, when kids are little they get asked “So, what do you want to be when you grow up”. They typically respond with some answer like doctor, or vet, or marine biologist, or some other sort of career path. I never thought like that. Ask me what I wanted to “be” and I would tell you that I didn’t know, or didn’t really care, I would figure it out…but being a princess would be okay I guessed.

And that was that. I took a very laissez-faire attitude until college when I realized I was actually going to have to choose something. It was time to “grow up”.  And oh, how hard that was (and continues to be) for me. I like a little bit of everything. I like art, and science, and music, and reading, and working with people, and being outside, and cooking, etc., and I want to do it all. I intend to do it all. I intend to embrace the carefree ways of my youth! But, I need to try and recapture the carefree mindset of my youth.

Growing up has been great, but my mind has been turning, and churning at the frenzied pace. Insecurities, doubts, comparisons, what-if’s, etc., and while in college, it seemed that I was really starting to gain control of them. But I now realize that while progress has been made to control some, others were just pushed to the side, waiting for the right opportunity to pop back up. They’ve re-emerged and we’ve had our little battles. But I resolve not to let them get the better of me! They are what they are. They come and they go. We all have them. If I can get through the day without one-great. If I can get through a day where I struggled, but was able to emerge at the end positive-even better. I learned.  

Sometimes, it is frustrating to have people ask me what I am doing with my life-and what I plan to do-as I still don’t have really any plans. My plan is to figure it out. I have decided to practice the yoga of trust and acceptance. I trust that the universe is going to point me in the right direction. I accept what it is life throws at me (or doesn’t) and I accept that whatever happens, happens. It is all going to be good, and it is all going to work out.

I am enjoying getting to pursue my hobbies more. Throwing myself into art, dance, yoga, hoop, crafts, etc. I am enjoying the conscious excitement that is beginning to emerge as I feel one of these paths take me in a little deeper. I am beholding, with awe, the true creative potential of the human mind that I am fortunate enough to experience every day.

So, no matter how frustrated I may get, or how boggling this may be to others, I am going to go on with this sense of trust and acceptance. I know that I am going to figure it all out. There is no point in trying to rush it, it will come when it comes (and will be so right, and so good, when it does). Until then, I am just going to enjoy the ride and be thankful that I get this awesome opportunity to learn, and live, a little bit each and every day.

Heres to each and every instant. May we all live ours to the fullest.

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